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TOPIC: Don't tell me I ruined chivalry

Don't tell me I ruined chivalry 20 Jan 2016 16:45 #8891

  • jael.g
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To the men who seem to find comfort in blaming women for their own mistreatment, I beg you to reevaluate your way of thinking. True feminism should not stop you in any way from treating women kindly and fairly.

So don't tell me that my demand for equal treatment, power, and acknowledgement somehow ruined your opportunity or motive to be courteous to women. Don't tell me that my choice to pay for my own food, open my own doors, walk myself to my own car, and dress up for my own pleasure destroyed your chances at showing me respect and kindness. There are literally endless ways to show politeness and admiration for a woman that do not involve a woman's dependence on you. If the only way you can show kindness to women is by pulling out your wallet, then I feel sorry for your inability to act with basic human decency.

Many women feel proud to do things for themselves, they enjoy having the freedom of doing things on their own. So don't make women feel bad for advocating for political, economic, and social equality. If chivalry means that women must be dependent on men in order to be respected or treated nicely, then I'm glad it's dead.
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Don't tell me I ruined chivalry 06 Mar 2016 22:53 #9079

  • Cammie01
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I read this book that letting a men pay for my meal made him feel more like a men and had him respecting me more but I like the ideal of paying for my own stuff and not having to depend on him. I understand your point of view. If I have to lose that independent feeling to make him feel good about himself I'm glad chivalry is dead as well.
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Don't tell me I ruined chivalry 11 Mar 2016 18:03 #9112

  • maria.j
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Seriously I agree with all of this and I think you explained it very well. I have had this conversation with guys quite a lot, coming from sweden where chivalry dosnt even excist in our vocabulary it took me a while to understand why I got in so many akward situations with guys, when i was able to open doors, pull in my own chair and pay for the food I orderd. When I realized that some guys got offended by my ignorance towards their attempt to be courteous I felt bad. But then I looked at it from a different prospective all of these manners where born out of the principle that the woman can't do anything herself and needs a man to help her. This created a female dependents on men and therefor created a male power over women. It puts the women in a position where she should feel greatful and also feel like she owes the man something. So I agree with what you said; " If chivalry means that women must be dependent on men in order to be respected or treated nicely, then I'm glad it's dead." (hand clapping emoji)
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Don't tell me I ruined chivalry 12 Mar 2016 16:14 #9119

  • Hanmaro.S
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I just read your posting and as a male, I can see that you are an independent woman. I know that you want to do things on your own and do anything that you want to do. And I totally understand that. But in my point of view and I'm not trying to argue with anybody who agrees with your opinion, that sometimes men do want to pay for their women not just because they want to exercise acts of chivalry but because simply they want to buy something for whom they really love. But I'm not saying that women who get treated should accept the acts but I hope that they would understand why men want to do such things. Some men, Yes, they simply want to do it to show politeness and respect but it's good to know that some men simply want to do something that would please women they love. And I believe it is the same thing to women that they also want to do anything to please whom they love.
Anyway, your explanation is good and I agree that some if not many don't want to be treated as if they were dependent on other people.
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Don't tell me I ruined chivalry 13 Mar 2016 12:58 #9128

  • sarah.a
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Thank you Jael for this beautiful, honest and direct essay. Chivalry works both ways I think, yet I agree that we are seeing more and more men use the feminist movement as an excuse to be arrogant assholes. It is a shame because it does go back to basic human decency and if both women and men are being chivalrous to one another we would see basic equality within our sexes. I think when the feminist movement really began to pick up speed, chivalry and it's true definition and purpose became a skewed. Feminism and Chivalry have nothing to do with one another yet men have started using it against women buy not being chivalrous almost as a punishment for standing up for ourselves and our basic human equality rights. BRAVO! Thank you for bringing this up!
Sarah
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